Film Reviews

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Last updated: Jan 1, 2022

List of film short reviews; absolute favorites are highlighted, while films with a full review have a hyperlink.

The 6th Day (2000) ★★★★ / action, Schwarzenegger
Cloning – deep reflections on identity for a Schwarzenegger action movie.
21 (2008) ★★★★ / crime
The inside-out on how to count cards in blackjack.
28 Days Later (2003) ★★★★★ / horror, zombies
The best “zombie” movie after the Spanish REC. As I recall, this was one of the first movies to feature fast zombies.
2012 (2009) ★★★ / scifi, disaster
CGI overload… but not much else. [2009]
AI (2001) ★★★ / scifi, AI
Origin of the “Can a robot…? Can a nigger?” meme… not much else besides that.
Alien: Covenant (2017) ★★★ / scifi, horror
Alien vs. Predator (2004) ★★★★ / scifi, horror
So sue me, I loved it.
Alien Girl (2010) ★★★★★ / crime
One of my favorite “gangster” movies… authentic, no romanticism, and everyone meets a grisly end. [2014]
American Pie (1999) ★★★★★ / comedy
Probably my favorite slapstick comedy to this day.
Arrival (2016) ★★★ / scifi
Lower-budget Interstellar. It pretentiously tries to make deep points about the nature of communications with aliens, but fails to do so. [2018]
Avatar (2009) ★★★★ / scifi, Cameron
So much money sunk into it, it couldn’t help but be good. [2009]
Barely Legal (2011) ★★★ / comedy
Goofiest slapstick comedy.?
*Batman* Batman: Dark Knight (2008) ★★★★ / scifi, superhero, Nolan
You either die, or live long enough to become the villain.
*Batman* Dark Knight Rises (2012) ★★★★★ / scifi, superhero, Nolan
Bane became the symbol of the Alt Right. [2017]
 REVIEW 2019  *Batman* Joker (2019) ★★★★★ / scifi, superhero
This because The Joker is an unreliable narrator. That is the single most important observation about the film – the main character’s mental problems means we can’t know which of the scenes are real, and which are hallucinations or flights of fancy. The only thing we really know for sure is there is a mentally disturbed incel called Arthur Fleck who lives in a shitty apartment with his no less crazed mother, scraping by and trying to ends meet as best he can with his limited abilities in a metropolis that seems to be going down the dumps. He has a severe case of jungle fever for a neighboring single mother, whom he imagines going out with, only to be told to leave the one time he finds himself in her apartment. This narrative device leaves the audience free to interpret the film anyway they like.
Battle Royale (2000) ★★★★★ / scifi, dystopia
Highly original concept that preceded the Hunger Games series. (Though Lukyanenko was probably first to this with his Knights of the 40 Islands).
⭐ The Big Lebowski (1998) ★★★★★ / comedy
White Russians are one of my favorite cocktails too.
Bodyguards and Assassins (2009) ★★★ / history 🇨🇳
I was sympathizing with the assassins throughout. Good riddance to pro-Western traitors – the only sad thing was when they hoodwinked the mentally disabled giant into their loathsome schemes.
The Boondock Saints (1999) ★★★ / crime
Overrated. Ridiculous Russian accent, too.
Brother (1997) ★★★★★ / crime
Не брат ты мне, гнида черножопая!
The Brothers Bloom (2008) ★★★ / comedy
Good enough, but overrated.
Cannibal Holocaust (1979) ★ / horror, exploitation
Children of Men (2006) ★★ / scifi, dystopia
Crude pro-multikulti propaganda – whites aren’t reproducing, so hey, let’s invite in Infinity Africans, not just our pensions but our very civilization depends on it! – that is predictably hailed as a classic of our times.
Cliffhanger (1993) ★★★★★ / action, Stallone
“Do you know what real love is, Kristel? Sacrifice.” Wise words.
 REVIEW 2020  Contagion (2011) ★★★★ / scifi, disaster
Chronicles an r0=4, mortality=20% zoonotic disease originating from Chinese bats. As people say, it’s highly scientifically accurate; standard Hollywood wouldn’t mention r0 or fomites. That said, there were a few WTF moments. Most prominently, some Hong Kong gov’t bigwig kidnapping a WHO official at gunpoint to blackmail them into procuring vaccines for his village.
Cube (1997) ★★★★★ / scifi
One of the best sci-fi/horror concepts ever invented.
 REVIEW 2020  Cuties (2020) ★★★ / drama
The latest conservative triggering is over a French film called Cuties (Mignonnes)… Conversely, this furore ensured that seems to have been a pretty marginal and ultimately mediocre European “arthouse” film will have been seen by millions more people than would have watched it otherwise. … So what is Cuties? It is a film about Amy, an 11 year old girl, clumsily trying to reconcile her Senegalese Muslim immigrant identity with the thrills and vapidities of life in secular France by joining an all-female dance troupe… the supreme irony of Cuties is that it is too politically incorrect, with its criticism of patriarchal Muslim culture and implicit (if inadvertent) HBD realism, to have been made in the United States.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) ★★★★★ / scifi, disaster
The science is from Hollywood, but the character interactions, visuals, and suspenseful plot were all top notch.
The Descent (2005) ★★★★★ / horror
One of the best horror movies I can recall watching.
The Diamond Arm (1969) ★★★ / crime
Classic Soviet comedy, though overrated.
The Dictator (2012) ★ / comedy
Could Sasha-Baron Cohen kill himself already.
Django Unchained (2012) ★★ / history, Tarantino
Mindless blood fest masquerading as insightful social commentary. [2012]
 Dr. Strangelove (1964) ★★★★★ / comedy
This is quite simply the best comedy ever made.
Dracula (1973) ★★★★★ / horror, vampires
This is my favorite vampire movie of all time, though perhaps only because I watched it when I was a child.
Equilibrium (2002) ★★★★ / scifi, dystopia
Not brilliant, but… GUN KATA! How cool is that?
⭐ Ex Machina (2015) ★★★★★ / scifi, AI
This entire movie can be viewed as a metaphor for the AI control problem, and it handles it brilliantly… just imagine the billionaire brogrammer’s mansion as the “black box”, and the naked cyborg women as the AI. [2015]
 REVIEW 2009  The Fall of an Empire: Lessons from Byzantium (2009) ★★★ / documentary
Far Cry (2008) ★★★★ / scifi
Uwe Boll is so bad… that he is good. I love Boll.
The Fifth Element (1997) ★★★★★ / scifi
Have nice recollections of watching this ages ago. One of the best comedic sci-fi movies.
Fight Club (1999) ★★★★★ / drama
Unleash your primal instincts! The cult classic status of the movie is beyond dispute.
Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★ / comedy
The funny moments are marred by the fact that Jenny obviously cucked the poor retard after hitting the wall and we are supposed to celebrate that. Shit values dressed up in can-do ‘Murica!nism. [2017]
Frozen (2010) ★★★★★ / horror
In a powerful troll move, the Ski & Snowboarding Club I was in at university played it on our bus trip to Jackson Hole ski resort. This is a very corny movie, too ridiculous to be truly scary, but some of the girls begged to differ. [2010]
GAME OF THRONES (2011-2019) ★★★★★ / TV, fantasy
These were all very good when D&D still had access to the source material. But then it all went downhill…
 REVIEW 2017  *GoT* Game of Thrones VI (2016) ★★ / TV, fantasy
 REVIEW 2019  *GoT* Game of Thrones VII (2017) ★★ / TV, fantasy
 REVIEW 2019  *GoT* Game of Thrones VIII (2019) ★ / TV, fantasy
Ghost in the Shell (2017) ★★★ / scifi
From what I understand this is a perversion of the anime. [2017]
⭐ The Godfather (1972) ★★★★★ / crime
Deserves its plaudits as the best crime/mafia film ever made, having introduced a huge number of tropes into Anglo culture: I will make you an offer that can’t be refused; swimming with the fishes; revenge is a dish best served cold; it’s not personal, it’s strictly business. [2020]
THE HOBBIT (2012-2014) ★★★★ / fantasy, Jackson
Started out well, but ended on a sour note, awkward CGI overload failing to make up for it.
The Hole (2001) ★★★★★ / horror
One of the best psychological thrillers.
The Human Centipede (2010) ★ / horror
One of the most fucked up films.
⭐ Idiocracy (2006) ★★★★★ / scifi
This is a documentary.
Inception (2010) ★★★★★ / scifi, Nolan
One of the best “mind-bending” movies.
Interstellar (2014) ★★★★★ / scifi, Nolan
Nolan is great, as usual. [2017]
Ivan Vasilievich: Back to the Future (1973) ★★★★★ / comedy 🇷🇺
The best Soviet/Russian comedy? At least, that’s my opinion.
*James Bond* Die Another Day (2002) ★★★★★ / action, spy
The best “modern” JB movie. I consider the North Korean “villain” to be the real antihero.
*James Bond* Skyfall (2012) ★★ / action, spy
Once upon a time JB saved young lasses, now he saves androgynous grannies.
Jurassic Park (1993) ★★★★★ / scifi
Jurassic World (2015) ★★★ / scifi
Either I overestimated the first firm due to an impressionable young memory, or this one was decidedly underwhelming. [2015]
 REVIEW 2017  Legend of Kolovrat (2017) ★★★★★ / history
Russia’s 300, Ironclad, and Valhalla Rising. Swords like in The Witcher.
⭐ THE LORD OF THE RINGS (2001-2003) ★★★★★ / fantasy, Jackson
A solid, if not brilliant, adaptation of Tolkien’s masterpiece. It falters in the third film.
Lord of War (2005) ★★★★★ / drama
Loved the story, if not the vacuous moralism, which became too overt at the end.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) ★★★★★ / scifi, postapoc
Doof Warrior was the best. [2015]
 REVIEW 2015  The Martian (2015) ★★★★ / scifi
Making the story of one solitary man’s struggle to survive is not a enviable task, but the creators pull it off with ample wit and verve. The protagonist Mark Watney is constantly cracking Nerd Lite jokes with himself and mission control in his struggle with the remorseless but indifferent main villain, the Red Planet itself. … At its root, it is a highly optimistic, positive, and inspirational story about the victory of technology and human ingenuity over the challenges posed by the last frontier. There should be more of these kinds of cultural products for civilization to continue to flourish.
⭐ THE MATRIX (1999) ★★★★★ / scifi
Mortal Engines (2018) ★★ / scifi, postapoc, Jackson
They obviously banked on this being allowed in China, where tastes are even shallower than in the West. They failed. [2019]
The Name of the Rose (1986) ★★★★★ / history
I recall this as one of the best films. [2005]
The Night Watch (2004) ★★★★ / fantasy 🇷🇺
Solid Russian urban fantasy film with CGI comparable to films 10x as expensive.
Ocean’s Eleven (1960) ★★★★★ / crime
Perhaps the best “heist” film I ever watched. It’s nice to observe how casino operators in 1950s America cared about the financial health of their clients.
Office Space (1999) ★★★★★ / comedy
Perhaps the best office comedy.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) ★★★ / drama, Tarantino
Is Tarantino developing a reactionary streak as he approaches old age?
PEEP SHOW (2003-2015) ★★★★★ / TV, comedy
The Pianist (2002) ★★★★★ / history
My favorite Holocaust film, more so than Schindler’s List.
Pirates of the 20th Century (1979) ★★★★★ / action
A classic Soviet comedy/action movie.
REC (2007) ★★★★★ / horror, zombies
This is, in my opinion, the best zombie movie ever made. Step aside Romero.
Reservoir Dogs (1992) ★★★ / crime, Tarantino
Kinda overrated. Tarantino will only get worse.
The Return of the Living Dead (1985) ★★★★ / horror, zombies
Very corny and good. Nice music.
Saw III (2006) ★★★ / horror
The best film in this morbid series.
Schindler’s List (1993) ★★★★★ / history, Spielberg
Classical pretensions that it more or less fulfills.
Snowden (2016) ★★★ / drama, true story
Don’t know the extent to which it was factual, but it struck me as plausible. Some natsec honcho: “In 20 years, no one will care about Iraq”; China, Russia are the real threats.
Snowpiercer (2013) ★★★★ / scifi, horror – 2020
Geoengineering attempt to stop global warming goes very wrong, as Earth turns into a snowball instead. The last humans survive in a caste-based society on a train circumnavigating the globe every few months, and are ruled over by an eccentric billionaire/inventor called Wilford (Willy Wonka’s successor?). So, “Bioshock on Rails.” Excellent fight scenes, good pacing, and absurdist humor are partly negated by a surfeit of plot holes.
Species (1995) ★★★★ / scifi, horror
Cut above the typical horror B-movie. The idea of an existential risk transmitted as a message from outer space is a plausible and dangerous one, even if unlikely to be accomplished within 1/4 of a kilobyte – concept clearly borrows from A for Andromeda. [2020]
⭐ Stalker (1979) ★★★★★ / scifi 🇷🇺
Though this is generally an inane genre, this is one of the best “existentialist” movies. It is amazing how much hidden (and not so much) ideological subversion the USSR let Tarkovsky get away with.
*Star Wars* Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (2015) ★★ / scifi
Very boring, SJwish grrlpower that is going down the gutter because of Russian Nazis (who else?). [2017]
Starship Troopers (1997) ★★★★ / scifi, Verhoeven
While Heinlein’s original is ultimately a celebration of martial values, the movie is instead a satire on war and patriotism in the style of a Hollywood sci-fi B movie. It accomplishes what it sets out to do. [2018]
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) ★★★★★ / scifi, AI, Cameron
Threads (1984) ★★★★★ / scifi, disaster
This BBC semi-documentary on the after effects of nuclear war is better than any nuclear apocalypse movie. Just watch it already.
To Live (1994) ★★ / history 🇨🇳
Look, I am obviously not a fan of Maoism, but this is just propaganda. Might be a good movie if made less overt.
Total Recall (1990) ★★★★★ / scifi, Schwarzenegger
Perhaps the best Schwarzenegger movie. “You haven’t been told enough to think.”
Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) ★★★★★ / action
“Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.”
 REVIEW 2019  The Wandering Earth (2019) ★★★ / scifi 🇨🇳
Chinese sci-fi makes its big debut on the world cinematographic stage – but falls flat on characterization.
World War Z (2013) ★★ / horror, zombies
Brooks had deserved success with the Zombie Survival Guide, and milked it for all it was worth with the mediocre World War Z. The film is not significantly better. While the visuals are memorable, it is riddled with massive plot holes and colored by painfully obvious and belabored propaganda of progressivism and Zionism.